My home is a beautiful planet called Earth from the warmth of nature to the cold brisk of the morning frost, home is a lifetime of memories that Earth provides me without a cost. Home is the grass swaying in the meadows and the gravity grounding me to every moment with an open garden to […]Earth is my home
At 445 am the cacophony behind my house finally stops and I can hear myself think. Top pontificate:
1. I wonder if I could get a buzz off that little bit of Kentucky Whiskey
- 2. I wonder if maybe, just maybe I am crazy and all of the horrors I’ve been through at the hands of my husband might be my imagination. Surely I am in fact crazy. I don’t blame myself, anyone in my situation would be. But if I manage to convince myself I’m crazy and I crack a smile,my abuser is right there to tell me no I’m not crazy. (So supportive)
I wonder if I just stepped in front of that train that RAVAGES my ears and shakes my foundations, flying by, how soon would I die. Then I think some poor person may find me in their pool or something and blow it off.
I think I miss my husband and believing he loved me. That he would protect me. That he would always have my back and he could go to counseling and get help. And we could love each other again.
I look around at all of my unfinished jewelry projects which usually inspires Me, but not in the last couple days. That scares me bc I cannot shut down. I won’t survive. I need an outlet for my soul. But my care is – less than I want brides cake ice-cream.
I look at my best buddy my service animal Tut sitting so regal I’m the sun but sneaking peeks back to me to be sure I’m admiring his regal heir. He is all I have. My narcissist psycho took my family, frienda; business,faith, body, sanity, will to live or even defend myself against him. He’s getting awY with all of it. I kicked him out was about to file for divorce and restraining order he was living on hotels. (That was evena struggle) I had a bond for a misdemeanor. Traffic thing and my husband said he was paying it. Next thing, I’m sans glasse at twilight and a huge man is advanced through my back yard. I tried to back up but he got me and dragged me through my work and yard. He finally said they were bond which meant Stuart put them up th that by not paying and saying he was saving my life from drugs ……lies. but I had a lovely small challet at Chez Maxx all to myself where the segregated crazies got to stay 23 hours a day. Nobody spoke to me and I thought at any moment I could start screaming and would not be able to stop. I couldn’t believe my husband would do that.
I asked him weeks before to take me to mental hospital so I wouldn’t hurt myself but he wouldn’t. Still prisoner in this house cant run my business cant go to store. No money because my husband robbed me while I was wrongfully incarceratated. I kept sending for the concierge at chez max so that I might file a police report against my husband for kidnapping and rape and preventing from me from getting medical care or running my business.
I couldn’t believe he sunk that far. HE TOLD OFFICERS HE WAS SAVING ME- I was not ON drugs so didn’t need detox and NOBODY SHOULD DETOX I. JAIL. I had trauma fr rape and being kidnapped and threatened. Police hated me. My husband, too. MY FAMILY TOO. LAWYERS NOBODY WANTED TO HELP ME