My patterns and cycles

I’ve never experienced growth or or true change in a negative pattern of behavior from others mistakes.. on the contrary seeing others biff it, provoking envy and rebellion against my best interests. I HAD to prove that I was not lying but also, that I’m not special. My mother is right. I’m programed to seek approval from anyone important to me. My mom, is the pentacle of passive aggressive sniper fighting, back stabbing, lying unscrupulous discrimination, violence, and no clue what consequences are (unless for her son or myself) why am I black sheep? I surely didn’t do anything to be treated that way. My brother had the violent impulsive streak that was terrifying to watch. He was nearly charged with Statutory rape of his girlfriend (14-15) to his 18. Mom bought the girls family out. Why did my mother hate me? Truly because she knew my dad paid too much attention to me? And ignored her? I get it. But im your daughter who has been begging Dad NOT to forget your bday or an occasion. I knew it would blow back on me.

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